Cuddle's with my Carter

So today was the day I have been waiting for since the day I gave birth 5 3/7 weeks ago, I got to hold my sweet Carter!! It's hard for me to even type this post without crying! It was a such a special moment when the nurses put my precious baby in my arms. Carter and I got to cuddle for 30 minutes kangaroo style, skin to skin. As I held him I told him how much his mommy and daddy loved him and I even sang to him. As I sang the song I am a Child of God, one of my nursery kids favorite songs, I could not help but cry. I am so blessed to have these two precious spirits as my children. I am the luckiest mom ever! I do feel sad that I was not able to hold Easton but I know the day will come. I pray that Easton gets healthier and stronger! The neuro-surgeon came in today and told me that Easton will need the shunt surgery either Wednesday or Friday and we are going to wait and see with Carter since his ventricles have not increased to the extent of needing surgery yet. Easton is still having a very hard time respiratory wise. His lungs are just not strong enough and his diaphragm is pushing up on that right lung. It's so hard to see my little Easton struggling but I know with time and lots of prayers he will get better.  Here are some pictures from today! I was in heaven as you can tell. :) 

Carters eyes wide open

Carter has a smile on his face. We were both in heaven.

Happy mommy and daddy

Weekend Warriors!!!

37 days old (29 weeks gestational)

Carter 2 lbs. 12.8 oz.

Easton 2 lbs. 9 oz.

This weekend brought us another landmark, five weeks Woo-Hoo! these little warriors continue to run us through the ringer with all the ups and downs. but this weekend was one of those up times. As of tonight these little man boys are both eating over 20 ml of milk. We are happy to tell everyone that both boys are off of the IV nutrition and completely relying on moms milk. Carter is getting 22ml. with 22 calories supplements added to the milk to help him grow big and strong. Easton is at 21 ml. and will be getting the calorie supplements in the next day or two.

As we posted in the last blog we were hoping that Carter would be going off the oscillator which he did, and is now on a pretty low setting on the ventilator which he like much better. Today we spent more than fifteen minutes just talking to him as he looked back at us will those big beautiful eyes. The down side to this weekend is that Carter's head circumference had grown nearly a centimeter which starts to raise the question, "is he going to need a shunt now?" only time will tell as we wait to see what the nuero-surgeon has to say.

Lauren adjusting Easton's temperature gauge on his tummy.

Easton has just been cruising along not really doing much in way of better or worse, he is just uneventful, which most would say is a good thing. He is still on the oscillator and is still needed a higher pressure to keep his lungs open. He has been trying so hard to catch up to Carter on his feeds making it within 1 ml. These little angels are just a joy to be around, it is funny after five weeks the nurses, Lauren and I are all starting to be on the same page, we know what the little temperaments of the boys are and how to fix them, we are really becoming a well oiled machine.

Today's fun fact:

(usually i am not a fan of boys wearing bracelets)

I wear a size 13 wedding ring.

Carter wears a size 13 bracelet.





Praying for stronger lungs

So here is a quick update. I will give you all the bad news first. Easton and Carter are back on the oscillators which are the strongest ventilation they can be on. Their poor little lungs are just so premature that they keep collapsing. Carter should be back to the vent in a couple days, but poor little Easton is really struggling to keep his lungs inflated, this is partially do to with his diaphragm, which is higher than it should be and causing extra pressure on his right lung. Doctor Chiou says it could take months for the diaphragm to move like it should.  Yesterday we found out that both boys have a staph infection and they have started them both on antibiotics. We talked to the neuro-surgeon Dr. McNatt today and he told us that Eastons head ultrasound showed that the ventricles have filled up with more fluid. He would like to put in the shunt but wants to wait until the antibiotic treatment for the staph infection is completed. So now we are looking at next week for that surgery to take place. I am still praying the fluid will drain on its own because I worry that with his respiratory problems right now he is not strong enough for surgery. Both boys are on fentanyl again because they hate being on the oscillator.

So for the good news! Carters head ultrasound showed no new fluid build up since last week and possible he might not need the shunt. Carter is up to 120 ml of milk each day and should be off all iv nutrition by tomorrow night. This means all his calories and nutrients are coming for my milk! Yeah!! All this pumping is worth while! Easton is up to 112 ml each day and should be up to full feeds in a couple of days.


Today's fun fact:

#1 Pampers preemie extra small diaper (up to 4 lbs.)
#2 Pampers preemie diaper (up to 6 lbs.)
#3 Pampers newborn diaper (up to 10 lbs.)
#4 Pampers diaper (8-14 lbs.)

Carter and Easton rock the #1 folded in half so it will fit.

Not the time to get sick!

Monday August 22, 2011 was Carter and Easton's 1 month birthday! Steven had the day off work so it was nice to have him with me at the hospital. We went and got cookie connection cookies for the nurses to celebrate the special occassion. Okay so I have a funny but scary story, when steven and I left for lunch I realized my wedding band was no longer on my finger. I knew I didn't take it off so it must of fallen off somewhere, however I never heard it hit the ground. Steven was so mad at me! We searched everywhere, car, bags, pockets, and the NICU.  Lucky for us Tiffany, a nurse, offered to dig through the garbage can thinking maybe when I washed my hands it fell off in the paper towel. Low and behold she found my custom made wedding band at the very bottom of the trash can!! We were so happy!!! I owe Tiffany big time. So about the boys, the where doing pretty good for their one month birthday, However Carter's oxygen needs had slightly risen. He also had to get a blood transfusion to raise his hematocrit levels just like Easton did the day before. Carter is now getting 11 ml of breast milk every 3 hours.

Easton has been riding the ventilator letting it do all the breathing for him. Doctors would like to see him try and do some of the work but they fear with the infection it's to much for him right now. My little man needs to get healthy and strong. Nurses where excitedto tell us that Easton weighs the same as Carter, 2 lbs 3 oz. He caught up and is now getting 8 mls of milk. Another good thing is Easton's head circumfrence has not grown in the last 2 days.

On our way home from the hospital I was not feeling the greatest. I was getting hot and cold chills and feeling achy all over. So I got home and went straight to bed and had a 100.4 tempeture. I called the nurses to let them know I was sick and they told me I can't come back to the NICU until I am fever free for 24 hours. I thought to myself how can I not see my babies for 24 hours! Why am I sick?? This could not be happening to me right now. Steven blames it on my stress and lack of eating healthly. All I could do was pray I would be feeling better in the morning because I could not bear the thought of not seeing my boys.

Tuesday Aug. 23, 2011 was a very overwhelming day that really tried our faith and resilience. Lauren was sad she was unable to see the boys, but glad that her fever was gone. Lauren received a call around 10 Am from Dr. Chiou telling her that for an unknown reason Carter's oxygen levels had continued to drop throughout the evening and an x-ray had been done around 3 am showing a lot of fluid in his chest and or lungs. By 9:30 am Carter needed to be put on the oscillator because his lungs had collapsed due to the amount of pressure from the fluid. A second x-ray had been performed around 1:30 PM and Dr. Chiou was calling again this time saying there was NO TIME TO WAIT, Carter had to have his chest aspirated or bad things would happen, he was not responding to the oscillator. Lauren got a hold of me at work and said I needed to be at the hospital now, Carter's lungs had collapsed and they needed to do a risky tap to release pressure, unsure if it was in the lungs or the chest and unsure where it was coming from, but that they would use an ultrasound machine to guide the needle to the pocket of fluid and drain what they could.

This is where I am greatful for such a kind and understanding employer. I left work right away as Ed Bertola drove me from the Capitol to Kaiser Roseville, to get me there as soon as possible per Sergeant Campbell. Like I said a great office to work at.

Ed and I arrived just as the Ultrasound tech was setting up and Dr. Chiou was prepping to perform the tap. Dr. Chiou told me her plan and said that Lauren could stand outside the NICU room and watch as the operation was performed (because she was not fever free for 24 hrs yet). Dr. Zeigler (head of the NICU) met Lauren in the hallway and told her, if her fever was gone to get in the room with her three boys, we all needed her and wanted her in there with us. As Lauren walked in the room, they were finishing the tap, successfully removing over 15 ml from his chest cavity which is a lot for such a small little baby. The worst part was that there was still approximately 15ml still in there. Dr. Chiou looked at the fluid and felt confident that the fluid in his chest was coming from his PICC line. They were thinking that his artery where the PICC was, possibly tore or had a pinhole leak causing his nutrion and supplemental fluid to pump right into his chest. Carter felt almost immediately better as the pressure was released. The nurses gave him some Fentanyl and gave him a PIV (peripheral intervenous line) so they could remove the damaged PICC. Carter was still fidgiting and the excess fluid that was still in his chest started to slowly leak and spurt, at times, out of his side where he had been poked with the needle. by the time he was settled again, and a third x-ray was done, the first after the tap, it revealed that even the excess fluid had been removed, most likely from the leaking pin hole in his chest.

Back to how great my Employer is, Sergeant Campbell came to the hospital just to check on our family and make sure we were okay and did not need anything. I am so greatful for a caring brotherhood there is in law enforcement.

By late tonight, Carter was continuously being weaned on the oxygen and looked to be much happier and more comfortable. Dr. Chiou started Carter on antibiotics just to be safe, and he will have another chest x-ray to check for any buildup or residual fluid.

Tomorrow both boys will also have a head ultrasound to check the fluid build up in their ventricles and to let the neuro-surgeon know whether on not the shunts will be needed now or later or as we are praying, never. But if the boys need them we just pray they will be strong enough and healthy enough to go through this operation.

Had a "Not So Great last 2 Days"

About the only upside to today and yesterday, is that the boys will be 1 month old tomorrow.

Easton doesn't like the sound of cry babies.

Easton was stressing out mommy and daddy today as his oxygen dropped to less than 20% on two separate occasions requiring him to be "bagged." A blue baby is not something any parent should have to see at any time during their child's stay in the NICU. It is the saddest and hardest thing to watch as the nurses and respiratory therapists do all they can to get your son to re-oxygenate, and after the fact be told he had a spasm, preemies do that. "what? they do that, they just stop taking in oxygen while there other vitals stay the same?" That is just hard for me to comprehend. Easton's head has not enlarged over the last 24 hours which is a good thing now we just need it to digress slowly. His diaphragm is another sore subject, the right side is higher than it should be causing unnecessary pressure on his right lung "possibly part of the problem with the oxygenation." Also his hematocrit levels were low so he was given another blood transfusion, which brings the total to ??? a lot. The Doctor also believes he might have an infection so he was started on 2 separate antibiotics today, until we get the blood results back from the lab. Yesterday Easton was able to receive 4 ml of Mommas sweet nectar, today the Dr. raised it to 6 ml. The Neurologist and neuro-surgeon have talked and it sounds like Thursday or Friday Easton will get a temporary shunt to help release some of the pressure out of the ventricles in his brain, it is really a wait and see kind of thing until the neuro-surgeon gets back from family vacation. Easton is still precious as ever and really like to suck on his fingers and pacifier now.

Sweet Carter suckin on his thumb

Carter is pushing forward like a champ and blew through 4 diapers on this mornings care time for Rosie his nurse. Carter was on 7 ml of milk yesterday and was moved up to 10 ml today by the doctor. He is eating it all up and having minimal residual left in his tummy after three hours. Carter was given a lasix yesterday to help him excrete some of the fluid he is retaining. Carter was slightly raised on his vent settings, a slight push back, considering we were hoping to see him on the c-pap machine so we might actually be able to hold him for the first time.

Both boys had a culture sent to the lab because some of the mucus out of there lungs has been yellow and could be a sign of infection. We have been told that there will be ups and downs and after so many good days we should have expected this to happen we were just hoping and praying it wouldn't. Thankfully we still have our boys and these were minor set backs in the grand scheme of things.

4 Weeks Old! (28 weeks gestational)

28 Days old

Carter 2 lbs 4 oz

Easton 2 lbs

Four weeks old today and our little boys are getting bigger and bigger. Carter is up to 5 ml every 3 hours and Easton is drinking 3 ml every 3 hours.  Easton is still having a little trouble pooping but with some help he is passing stool once a day.

 As I arrived at the hospital today Easton's nurse had some bad news for me. Easton's head circumference had grown .5 cm over night. This is not the news I wanted to hear! The neuro-surgeon had told me on Thursday that if Eastons ventricles were to expanded any further that a shunt would have to be placed. This means another surgery for my little Easton. Surgery is set up for one day next week not to sure what day yet. I will keep praying that the fluid will subside and my little man will not have to go through yet another surgery. Other then that, Easton is doing pretty good, he is still high on all his setting on the ventilator but they are trying to wean them down everyday. Easton is so cute when Steven or I talk to him he looks at us with his big beautiful eyes and your heart just melts. I love him so much! He is my fighter!

Easton holding his tube

I got this picture right after he took his thumb out of his mouth.

Carter is doing pretty good as well. He is on low vent settings and his oxygen is getting weaned down everyday. His head circumference has also expanded but not to the point where he needs surgery. He is eating and pooping like a champ. Although he is only 2 lbs 4 oz he is a little kicker and wiggler. When I am changing his diapers he moves all over the place! They have taken him off the fentanyl drip which is probably making him a little more active. Carter makes the cutest faces, he loves to wrinkle his nose and scrunch his forehead. He is so adorable! I caught both of the boys sucking on there thumbs these past couple days. Of course as I ran to get the camera they had moved their hands by the time I was ready to take the picture.

Carter sucking on his fingers

Posing for a picture. So cute!

Bring on the MILK!!!

Carter and Easton are both drinking mom's milk. So this update is going to include Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, but hey we blog when we can. Lauren spends all her spare time at the hospital and i am waking up at 4:30 to go to work, the hospital and back in bed by 10:30. Anyways back to the boys, Carter is up to getting 3 Ml (milliliters) every 3 hours.

Carter After the puffiness went down

*Fun Fact - a Teaspoon has 5 Ml. in it.

 Our little Easton is now getting 1 Ml. every 3 hours, an upgrade from the 1 Ml. every 6 hours earlier this week.

Easton after his first feed.

Both boys are pooping now, a welcome sight after the scare of Easton not pooping for almost two weeks. Easton and Carter's Heads are still getting fuller and bigger with fluid, a concern thought has brought the Neuro-surgeon to their bedsides to evaluate them regularly. The boys seem to be getting used to their ventilators, as they continue to get weaned on the oxygen percentage. Carter is down to around 28% oxygen and Easton is at around 32%.

*Fun Fact - room air is approximately 21% oxygen.

The boys are still considered to be in critical condition, even though they have been weaned of the narcotics, are on ventilators, eating every 3 hours and are lively at care times. It is so fun to see a smile and big blue beautiful eyes looking at you when they are awake. We can only hope that this is just the beginning of the good days ahead.

Weekend update!

"The smallest children are nearest to God, as the smallest planets are nearest the sun"
-Jean Paul Richter

23 days old

Easton 1 lbs 14 ounces

Carter 2 lbs 2 ounces

So I really need to blog daily because after two days it's hard to remember everything that happens. On Saturday Steven and I headed to the hospital for morning care. Carter was being a good little boy! He was digesting all his feedings like a champ!! The doctor thinks that hopefully Monday they will start giving him 2ml every 3 hours. We are excited because more milk means growing boy. All of Carter's meds are being weaned and his oxygen levels are at 27%.  Sunday Carter had another good day. As I was changing his diapers and had just put a brand new diaper on he thought it would be fun to take a poo! So I had to change him again. I could change his diapers all day because he is so dang cute and it's really the only interaction I get to have with him right now. I can't wait for the day that I get to hold my sweet Carter and Easton. I never thought during my pregnancy I would not be able to hold these sweet boys when they were born. Some days it's really hard for me but I know the day will come when I can hold these precious boys in my arms!

They only bad news for Carter and Easton is that the fluid in their brain has increased by 1 cm since Wednesday! We need lots of prayer for Carter and Easton, for the fluid in there brains to drain properly and go away.

 Video or Carter coming soon. My computer will not let me upload it right now.

Easton has some really good news for everyone!! On Saturday night at his 10:30 cares I was changing his diapers and our prayers had been answered, he had a poopie!!  We even took a picture of it because we were so excited! Don't worry I wont post the picture. It had been over 10 days since Easton had pooped and I am sure it made his tummy feel better. Easton is still on the oscillator but all the settings where low so we where hoping Sunday he would be able to switch to the ventilator.
Sunday Steven and I went to the hospital for morning cares and Easton had another poopie!! His x-rays of his stomach looked better but still enlarged. Easton had 2 more good stinky diapers today so I can't wait to see how his x-rays look tomorrow morning! We are hoping he can start on breast milk tomorrow. We just got a call from our nurse and at 10:30 Easton got moved to the ventilator! We are so proud of him.

                                         This is Easton yawning after we had said good night.

Keep praying for both Carter and Easton. Your prayers are what keep them going. I met a girl at the hospital the other day that had carried twins and tragically lost one of her babies after being born at 24 weeks. I am convinced that the power of prayer and God's divine intervention has keep both of our boys with us. Steven and I feel a great joy in being able to have these two sweet spirits in our lives. God has blessed us so much!

3 Weeks Old (Aug. 12, 2011)

On Friday Doctor Leung was considering changing Carter to a conventional ventilator if he could keep his oxygen rate below 40%. Carter continually had good outputs which was a positive step towards feeding, and made his parents happy, especially as Lauren cleaned several poopie diapers. Carter was being weaned down of the fentanyl by half and was still making progress. By late afternoon Dr. Leung had given the word, "it is time to start feeding Carter." He was able to get 1 ml. every 6 hours a small amount for this little guy but we needed to prime his tummy with so called trophic feedings.

Easton, on the other hand, has been stressing his parents, doctors and nurses. Easton had been up and down on his oxygen levels, at periods of 75% or greater. Easton had not pooped yet and was beginning to worry us as his tummy was still growing and concerning the surgeons. At care times we would be doing a poo dance and chant with the nurses as we all wanted to see make some progress to keep the surgeons away. Dr. Du Bois had come to the bedside and given him a contrast through his rectum to see if they could see what was going on. The contrast had gone in and x-rays had showed the contrast stopped between the small and large intestine, letting us assume that there was either a blockage (hopefully) or that there was scar tissue between the intestine or possibly it was just not opened due to him being so pre-mature.

Easton relaxing after "care time"

Later in the evening Easton was still fidgeting and just down right upset. Nurses were having a hard time keeping him content even with versed and fentanyl. Come to find out after listening to his lungs, Easton had diminishing lung sounds and his right lung was collapsing. For a short time the respiratory therapists had to take him off the ventilator and "bag him." Once there were able to get his lung re-inflated they put his right side up to try and keep the pressure off his lung. We knew things were getting worse for our little man and felt inspired to give him a blessing. After the blessing Lauren and I stayed until a little after midnight just to watch our boys and make sure they were relaxing.

Good news, Bad news...

This morning Lauren went to the hospital like the great mother she is to do the twins "care times". After cares Dr. Leung came to tell her that Carter's results were back from the head ultrasound and his scan looked "bigger". Not quite the words we were looking for. Lauren asked Dr. Leung if this meant there was a good chance of having handicapped children who suffer from Cerebral Palsy, and the Dr said yes you need to start considering it as a possibility, but hope for the best. Lauren broke down in tears and Dr. Leung could do nothing but hug her and cry as well knowing this was just another downhill slide in our roller coaster ride in the NICU. Lauren called me at work trying to relate the emotional pain she was going through, I felt completely helpless and knew it was completely in the Lord's hands and all we can do is pray for these little fighters.

Lauren and I met at the hospital at three, after i got off work for afternoon cares. Easton's bowels have not been working properly, being born at 24 weeks not much of his organs were able to mature and finish growing to support itself. Dr. Du Bois the Surgeon has been keeping a close eye on Easton the past couple of days, growing with concern as his intestine has become inflated, pushing other vital organs up and to the side, like his liver, and lungs. Dr. Du Bois had set up to perform a contrast test to see if they could push a dye into Easton's little bum and find out where or what was causing the bloating. He also stated that the contrast would act as an enema, hopefully releasing some of the impacted stool, so again we are praying for "poopie diapers" tonight.

Carter was weaned off the Nitric oxide tonight and if remains with the good vitals he has been having will be able to start receiving breast milk tomorrow. "HUGE PROGRESS!" and then the nurses said don't be surprised though if her has to go back on the Nitric, that is just how the roller coaster goes.

Carter sucking on a pacifier for the first time!!!

All in all Carter is off the dopamine and nitric today and we are hoping his kidneys with remain functioning and filter the fluid properly. Easton and Carter are being weaned down on the oscillator and hoping they will both be on the vents soon.

Easton sucking on his fingers.

Thank you for all of the continued prayers...
-Steven, Lauren, Easton and Carter

Easton update

So we got the head/brain scan results back today and I was praying for better news. Eastons has slightly more fluid build up in his brain then last week. So please pray that his fluid and bleed will subside. We will get Carters results tomorrow. Sorry for such a short post I am exhausted and need to go to bed! I will post tomorrow how the boys are doing. :)
Here are two cute video's of Easton today with his eyes wide open. I love my sweet boys!

Ups and Downs- 18 days old

“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein

The roller coaster ride continues! As I saw my sweet baby boys today they had improved in some areas and gotten worse in others. My Carter had not gone potty in over 16 hours!! They had stopped the lasix and the vancomycin thinking that was causing his kidney not to function. So the doctor then started him on Plasma, Dopamine, and Hydrocortisone. Poor little man was being pumped full of fluids to help his blood pressure and kidneys to start functioning again. Doctor Leung  realized that Carter needed a larger E.T tube like his brother. His old tube had a leak so hopefully this tube will allow his oxygen levels to improve. Later on in the day the RT (respiratory therapist) can by to check on Carter and repositioned his E.T tube, after that Carter seemed to be doing much better and the nurse was able to lower his oxygen level.  Carter was also supposed to get a brain scan today but at the time he was to unstable to get it done. It is rescheduled for tomorrow so I am crossing my fingers he is a good boy!

Easton was able to get get an ultrasound of his liver to see if there was an obstruction or infection causing the conjunctival jaundice. They scanned his tummy looking for any reason for his intestinal loops that were bulging or any necrosis. They also scanned his head to make sure the bleeding from his grade 3/4 hemorrhage has stopped and hopefully subsided. We should have results tomorrow. All in all Easton was content with all that was going on and relatively cooperative thanks to the fentanyl he is getting. It is so darn cute to watch him try to open his eyes when mommy and daddy talk to him, like watching a two year old trying to stay awake and fight the inevitable, sleep.

Like they say, some days it is one step forward and two steps back or two steps forward and one step back, but we are making progress and that is all that matters.

We really want to thank everyone, friends, family and those who have found this blog, and continually send their love, stories, gifts, prayers, and well wishes. It means a lot to know there are so many caring people out there willing to lend a hand or a shoulder. We love you all so much.    

Footprints ( This is one of my favorite poems)

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, You said that once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me." The Lord replied, "My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I Carried You."

WEEKEND UPDATE (08/06-08/07)

Lauren was so mad we didn't own a video camera, we went out Friday night on date night and bought one. So the good news is we will be adding alot of HD videos and HD pictures...
for instance here are some pictures of us with Carter.

Carter even opened his eyes for the pictures..

After spending the night at the hospital friday, Saturday we woke up to Carter still being on the oscillator and on Nitric oxide. Carter continued to get Lasix, and had some really good outputs (I.E. pee) after two days of not going to the bathroom. The doctors are still worried about his kidney function and are closely monitoring it. Doctors are hopeful Carter's lungs will get stronger because he hates being on the oscillator and has to be on medicine to relax him.

Easton continued to be the relaxed little "peanut" we wanted to see getting stronger and better as the day progressed on Saturday. However Sunday doctors said his E.T. tube was too small and air was leaking past it. The doctors tried to remove the tube all together and see if he was strong enough for a Cipap machine. (Cipap-a step down from the ventillator, kinda like a cannula in his nose) Lauren felt this was a bad idea because she didn't think Easton's lungs were strong enough. Doctors were hoping to try for at least two hours and test his saturation levels.Well that only lasted about 5 minutes and they realized Lauren was right it was not a good idea as he was not doing well at all. So doctors put in a larger tube to fill the space the older, smaller tube couldn't. After a few hours Easton was his happy little self adjusting well and snuggling in his little caccoon of onezies and gauze rolls.

TWO WEEKS OLD TODAY

“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.” Mother Teresa

"Hope is always available to us. When we feel defeated, we need only take a deep breath and say, "Yes," and hope will reappear. Monroe Forester

Mid-day and already I feel like a thousand days have passed. I keep thinking that I have developed a thick skin and then something new happens and I feel like I've shattered to a thousand pieces all over again. Thank goodness I have God, my husband and family/friends to help me pick it all up and start all over.

Sweet Carter is in a very critical state with his lungs today.  He was put back on the oscillator late last night, this machine does 100% of the breathing for him. As I arrived at the hospital early this morning I spoke with the doctor and he said that Carter is not improving which is worrying him. We originally thought once he got his PDA ligation, that his stats would improve, but they have only worsened. So they are thinking he has an infection, either a yeast or fungal infection, in his blood. They are starting him on antibiotic for the fungal in hopes that this will help him.  A yeast infection in the blood for a baby this little is fatal and the medication to treat it is very harsh on the baby’s organs. So let’s pray that the new antibiotics for the fungal infection will make him better!  Carter was also put on a Nitric Oxide machine. This is supposed to help open up the blood vessels in his lungs so it’s easier for him to breath and so the machines don’t have to do all the breathing for him. My poor little boy has all these machine surrounding his bed! It makes me so sad to see my little Carter so out of it (they have him drugged up) He has always been my little boy who is kicking and moving and I hate seeing him so sad!  



He really does have five toes on each foot...



My little peanut Easton is having an okay day. They would like to see him breathing over the ventilator so they are going to lower the help on the machine and see how he does. His tummy is looking much better today and is not so bloated. I got to change his little poopie diaper! I never though I would like changing a poopie diaper so much!!  As I sat by his bedside (closed incubator) and stared at his cute little face, I talk to him. I tell him how much his mommy loves him and tell him soon I will be able hold him and kiss his cheeks. I then saw him open his little tiny eye, and I knew he heard me! I got emotional because I've often wondered, how much pain do they really feel? Are they even aware of what a struggle they are going through? They keep them so sedated, partially so they won't fight their machines and partially so they will sleep and heal, but I still wonder, how much do they comprehend? In those moments I try to vision God holding my babies close and whispering solace to their little spirits. It is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.  

I do have the faith both Carter and Easton will come home someday, the road is going to be a long one but I pray every day that they both will come home in due time and that God will grant them both normal, healthy lives. I hope one day we'll look at our boys and hardly even remember the challenges we had experienced in their early days of life. I hope someday I will have a complete understanding of why they came to us so early.

Honeymoon Day (Aug. 04, 2011)

We wanted to let you know, that amongst all the sadness and struggle, we finally had a good day. The boys were both making good progress. Carter was removed from the oscillator and breathing with some assisstance from the ventilator. Today Carter was still a little sedated but was able to open both eyes and see his Mommy and Daddy for the first time.

Easton continued to suprise us as he took over as the son who was recovery well and was making steady improvements  being able to open his right eye. Easton seems to be the one finding things first, as you recall he was the one who had his hand in his diaper, well he now likes to suck on his fingers. At night when we came in we found his little face lit up with the red light from the pulse oximeter, attached to his hand as his fingers were crossed and in his mouth, So darn cute.

So all in all the 4th just happened to be a good, good day.

RoLlErCoAsTeR rIdE...

So much to say. Well for starters a lot has happened in the last few days, and i apologize i have not updated as frequently as i would have liked.

Carter and Easton have sent us on an emotional roller coaster like few would believe. Back tracking from Friday to yesterday, in a nutshell, Carter was doing great, just relaxing and getting bigger. Carter made it to a whopping 1 pound 12.2 ounces, however some of it was fluid retention. Easton was nicknamed "pin cushion."
Over the last week 6 nurses attempted 8 times to get a P.I.C.C. (peripherally inserted central catheter) line started on the 1 pound 6.6 ounce "little peanut" as his mom likes to call him. Nurses were unsuccessful in getting a P.I.C.C. line started because no needles were small enough for Easton's little veins and each time one was introduced his vein would "blow". Poor "little peanut" has black and blue arms and legs and looks like he had a bad case of chicken pox from the stick marks. Even through the hard times Easton found a way to make us laugh, "He found his Wiener". So I have to explain this one. The other day Lauren was changing Easton's diaper and checking his temperature, and when we looked down i thought Lauren had wrapped up Easton's hand in his diaper. So i pulled his little hand out of his diaper and put it on his chest. Not thinking anything more of it we went to help the other nurse with Carter's care time. Five minutes later we came back to look at Easton and this is what we saw...

Easton had his left hand back in his pants. He was comfy and he didn't want to be disturbed!

Monday August 1st brought us a new month and new complications. For an unknown reason yesterday Carter decided to go downhill, and fast. Stacy Carter's nurse spent all day trying to keep his blood pressure at a safe level, which is 25-30.(how they get that number, I don't know) At times his blood pressure would dip as low as 12. Doctor's started Carter on Dopamine, Dobutamine, Morphine, Hydrocortisone, insulin, and antibiotics for a possible infection. After being on these medicines for a short time, his heart rate skyrocketed to about 215 beats per minute. (normal is 120-160). So with all the stress to his body, doctor's were trying to find something wrong other than the P.D.A. that was untreated. Doctor's did a head ultrasound which revealed no new bleeds, a chest x-ray said the same, and a blood culture after 24 hours said no infection. The only thing they saw was a wide open P.D.A. However the Doctor's wanted him to be stable and have a consistent B/P above 25. Which meant no Surgery for Carter, but without the surgery they could not control the blood pressure. Later that night, through the power of the Priesthood Carter was given a blessing, reassuring him and his family that he would stabilize and Dr. Du Bois would be able to successfully complete the P.D.A. ligation Tuesday. 

Easton was doing well, he had been consistent with his vitals and was resting comfortably, eating 1 milli-liter  of breast milk every three hours. Lauren and I headed home so I could prepare to start my new position at the State Capital. Before going to bed we had called the nurses to get the assurance that Carter had begun to stabilize as told in his blessing. Brandi, Carter's nurse had told us Carter was doing much better and if he would stay at that pace would indeed receive the operation Tuesday.

Tuesday morning came and I headed to my first day at my new office, while Lauren headed to the hospital with her mom. When Lauren got to the hospital, she raised our concerns about Easton getting an operation to get a broviac placed in his jugular in an attempt to take place of a P.I.C.C line. A broviac is a long term I.V. placed in a larger vessel in the body, in which blood, platelets, and other thicker fluids can be administered. Dr. Ajibola agreed saying he would call a surgeon. Easton's UVC (umbilical venous catheter) line was starting to ooze and needed to be removed. Usually UVC should not be in more than 7 days, however due to not having a P.I.C.C. Easton was on day 11. Dr. Curran, just happened to be a surgeon on duty with an opening in his schedule. He had accepted the request and was able to successfully insert the broviac for Easton. As of tonight Easton is recovering well from the surgery, wait for it, but looks as if he might have an intestinal infection, and we should know more tomorrow.

Mommy doesn't like seeing Carter with a crusty dry mouth.

Bois and his surgical staff worked diligently on Carter, just as they had done on Easton a week prior. Carter had finished his surgery with minimal blood loss and no complications. He is so drugged up that he will be out of it for the next day or two, but he is a fighter and will come back stronger than ever.

Thank you all so much for all of the kind words, support, love and prayers for us and our baby boys, Carter and Easton.  

Found a Gem

Found this picture that Lauren's 6 year old niece, London, took on Kendall's camera. Thought you would like to see Lauren's belly at 23 weeks. Only picture we have since Lauren was on bed rest.