Some emotional days......

"One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest."
-Maya Angelou

I liked this quote as I sometimes feel that I am still developing that potential I have for courage throughout this mostly difficult journey. Some days I truly feel exhausted and that I cannot possibly emotionally carry one more burden and then some days I find the strength to smile and remember the great goodness that makes up the God that I know and love.

I wish I could say that these past few days have been easier but they haven't. If anything, they have been some of the most difficult but I am grateful for those moments when with great clarity my heart is reminded that God is working small miracles with my sons and that I must not forget that these things are happening to preserve my sons and give them one more day to carry on and fight to grow out of their extreme prematurity and all the complications that have come with it.

On Tuesday morning as I was doing the boys morning cares the anesthesiologist came in and was talking to the new doctor on this week. Side note one thing I hate about Kaiser is that I have a new doctor almost every week and I feel as if they don't really know my babies until there on day 5 and a new doctor is coming on. Anyways they where talking about Easton's shunt surgery on Wednesday. I made myself apart of there conversation and asked a lot of questions like what did the head ultrasounds taken on Monday look like, how is Easton going to get through surgery with him being so critical respiratory wise and on the high frequency oscillator? The doctor did not have many answers for me. She did say that this is going to be a long road for you. Easton has severe chronic lung disease and it will be months and months before he will go home and will go home on oxygen or a vent. I knew he would probably go home on oxygen but what I didn't like is she said he would be in the NICU for a long time! My poor Easton! I did ask to have herself and the neuro-surgeon get together so I could talk to them both and so I would know the game plan for Wednesday. As I waited to meet with both of them emotionally I could not take being there at the hospital by myself going through all of this. I called Steven and I am so thankful that his work is so accommodating to our families needs, he was able to leave work and come be with me. I also needed my dad there with me so he left work and came right over. I am so grateful that I have such a loving and caring father! I have the best dad ever!  So with both Steven and my dad by my side we spoke to the neuro-surgeon. I told him my concerns about Easton not being strong enough to get through surgery, he agreed with me and said lets hold off on the surgery since the head ultrasound looked the same as the week prior, so there was no rush to do surgery Wednesday. I was so relieved and I pray that the fluid will still subside and my Easton will not have to have the shunt surgery but if he does I pray he will be able to be strong enough to get through it. Since Tuesday Easton has stayed the same on all his oscillator settings. No worse no better. He is getting full feed 22 ml with extra calories making each feed 24 calories. Doctor Buxton said that nutrition is really important and is really the healing medicine. So I am grateful Easton is excelling with his feeding. Tonight (Thursday) Easton had a rough day desating way to often. So they decided to give him morphine which really knocked him out. As a parent its hard seeing your little tiny baby motionless and so out of it. Steven and I had a hard time seeing him this way and wished there was something we could do to make him all better and not in pain. Needless to say we left the hospital in tears.

We have been consumed with all of Eastons problems and worries this week but Carter has been excelling and is a sigh of relief as we go between him and Easton. Carter is continuing to grow, he is also considered to be on full feeds. 24 ml of milk with the 24 cal. supplement every three hours. Dr. Buxton told us today his game plan, which is, Carter is in a good place nutrition wise, we need to continue to wean him approximately 2% on his pressure each day getting him to 30% pressure by Saturday. Saturday we will then give him a blood transfusion to get his red blood cell count up and Sunday we will be pushing him to the bubble C-pap machine. Yay for Carter. Dr. Buxton also said there is a chance he will need two small doses of Dexamethasone

Thank you for the continued prayers and support.

-Love the Klippel's